Notes from the First Trimester of Pregnancy
Kiwis, anxiety, books, and bliss
I am so happy to share with you some lovely news. I have entered a sacred phase of life—pregnancy! Having benefitted immensely from first the self-prescribed isolation bubble of the first few weeks of just us knowing about it, I found myself gravitating toward community over time and the wisdom that comes from the countless women before me who have gracefully navigated this stage of life. And so, in an effort to be transparent and helpful to those who want to learn about the journey from my perspective, here are some thoughts I have penned. I’ll update by trimester, as pregnancy for me has been quite the season of learning and is accompanied by the not-to-be-overlooked time of postpartum.
I also have a Q&A on Instagram, where I’ve shared some answers to the most common questions I got when I opened a dialogue around pregnancy, so feel free to browse that. One question I kept getting and didn’t really know how to properly address in a useful way was how long it took to conceive. The path toward pregnancy, while of course universal procedurally, is nonetheless unique and can look different for each individual. I wasn’t sure how how insightful my answer would be. In the spirit of transparency, I will say that I was not actively trying to conceive but had also started taking steps toward considering and embracing the possibility of motherhood. Those steps included reserving some alone time to understand what my desires with regard to starting a family looked like, where those desires came from, and exploring what such an addition would look like in the aspects of the life I had already built upon with my partner. Those steps also included some practical considerations, mainly focused around optimizing fertility by way of nutritious eating, saying no to alcohol+coffee, removing plastics and low quality water from my everyday routines, strengthening sleep and exercise habits, and reading up on books centered around fertility. One thing I wish I would have done sooner, or at least thought about more critically, was building a good healthcare team around me. I did not have an obgyn prior to this, and being thrust into it (and the crazy healthcare insurance world) was overwhelming. Even so, I listened to this episode on fertility, read books (see further discussion), and gained pointers on aiding my diet with supplements such as prenatals, liver, and CoQ10. Here are the books I read, which I’ll supplement with further reading as I progress. Starting second tri, I will also go ahead and link to some items I found valuable for pregnancy and beyond.
I also jotted down some diary-form notes on pregnancy, by weeks. Below you’ll find weeks three to four, five to six, etc., until weeks eleven to thirteen. The remaining weeks will be dispatched by installment. If you have any questions, send them my way! I’d be happy to chat!
Weeks Three to Four
On December 18, 2023, despite feeling like usual, nothing out of the ordinary, expecting the arrival of my period slated for the following day, I intuitively felt called to grab a pregnancy test around noon. There were two lines. I was in shock. Having seen overly excited videos of women on social media finding out and in that moment showing a world of emotions, I desperately tried to muster a tear or a an audible squeak or a bodily hoorah. To no avail. I was alone at home during noon, and the most I was able to get myself to do was to look in the mirror, smile, and pep-talk, “Right, Ani, this is happening.” Followed by a tender “oh, wow,” perhaps a dozen times. After which came the very sensible matter-of-fact deduction concerning why I was feeling hot all day, why I was awakened at around 4am the night before only to stare at the ceiling, unable to fall back asleep, and why a shower just about now sounded like the ultimate comfort. I was so clearly in shock, it makes me laugh now thinking back to that moment of forcing myself to show some form of elation, even if just to myself in the mirror staring back at me as dumbstruck as I felt. I guess in that moment I also found out being near water is my form of comfort. I hopped in the shower, and then literally went about my day with work, an errand, and pretty much as though on wheels not my own, drove myself to a local baby store and picked up lion-themed baby slippers. Casual conversations here and there abounded, as if I hadn’t just received totally life-altering and life-affirming news. I felt outside my body one moment, while the next was spent entirely in tune with it for the slightest of physical signs of pregnancy, of which there were none no matter how much I expanded or deflated my belly area with air. I remember thinking, “Right, baby on board, is it okay to drive in this condition?” followed immediately by, “My goodness, Dr. Google said it’s the size of a poppy seed right now, of course it’s okay to drive!”
I had taken a super cheap test, and that was the first to show a super faint-but-clearly-there second line; I then confirmed with Clearblue, and proceeded to use like a maniac what seemed to be dozens of other strips. This nasty trend almost became a habit in the coming days, as I frantically began trying to find out whether the lines were still there, whether they grew stronger, etc. to the point where I would tape the tests underneath one another in my notebook and jot down the dates and times (psycho, if you ask me). At some point, maybe by day 6 or 7, I had to counsel myself out of this crazy behavior.
Anyway, I debated waiting a few more days to tell G so that it aligned with a lovely Christmas-day surprise, but I just couldn’t fathom keeping this a secret for what seemed to be an eternity. So, I surprised him that very evening when he got home from work. It was tender and sweet, and in the quietness of the hugs and kisses we shared, there was palpable the most life-altering excitement. We proceeded to share the news with our immediate family members, in the form of birthday cakes for my mom and father-in-law, whose birthdays happened to align with the season and naturally made way for a surprise in the form of “Happy Birthday, Grandma B,” for instance, and to treat others individually with a cupcake that bore the sweet “hi Uncle/Auntie ___” frosting. Suffice it to say our local bakery found this both endearing and financially advantageous.
We picked out a Christmas tree in December 2023 last minute, on the 13th, only to find that it was one trunk that beautifully branched into two equal tops (which I like to fancy and think represent me and G) and, if looked at closely, held another sweet surprise — the trunk had also birthed a baby tree.