The real world, Icarus and lingerie, pleasure lists, Paul Mescal, and more

Seven thin(g/k)s I explored this week

Hello dear reader,

I’m writing this having entered motherhood this season. I have detached from labor & delivery, which, rather than being a separate chapter in my book, has felt like a wholly different book of its own. Not a pleasant one. The birth experience was traumatic for me, indescribably so, the entirety of which I am still oscillating between trying to process and trying to altogether forget. Can’t tell if I should share about it (down the line) as I don’t want to scare/disinterest anyone in any way, but am also cognizant of how bitter it felt in retrospect when others said the same to me about not wanting to share their honest thoughts out of fear of scaring others. It felt like I was denied what others have described as euphoric. It was all wild, difficult, and surrendering. There are still days when random tidbits of it come to mind out of nowhere, and in those moments, I start crying, which is my way of consoling myself and giving myself a hug. Sometimes a simple ‘how are you?’ from loved ones or strangers alike in the past few weeks was enough to trigger tears; sometimes I wanted random people like my acupuncturist to commiserate; sometimes I would forget the soothing directive of ‘this too shall pass.’

I allowed myself to feel all the feels, to feel sorry for myself, to pick myself back up piece by piece. Time heals. So do nourishing foods, and nourishing books, in addition to explorations outside myself that have helped elucidate the turmoil and repair and restoration within me. Genevieve has been the guiding light toward healing and wholeness. She helps me see motherhood as a gift, as a boundless source of prosperity and daily treasures.

Thank you for being patient with me. In these past few weeks, I have been trying to learn to be patient with myself, too, and to give myself grace.

That said, here are seven links to bits of the world I explored this week, shared with the hope that you will find them to be an inspiring springboard for deeper thinking.

I remember seeing this last year at a museum and trusting that my baby was on her way to me

1. On healthy romantic relationships via Esther Perel x Huberman Lab

2. A dive into Victoria’s Secret — If Icarus Wore Lingerie — and how the sexier a party looks, the more it feels like watching paint dry; and the chasm between sexy and sexual.

3. A commencement speech titled Some Thoughts on the Real World By One Who Glimpsed It and Fled.

4. Paul Mescal as Gladiator.

5. The film adaptation of Small Things Like These, starring Cillian Murphy. Chills. He described it as a quiet provocation, and that’s exactly how I felt about the book itself. Cannot wait to watch the film. The book was a tiny but mighty read; an ode to confronting the difficulties of one’s surroundings against the backdrop of one’s personal circumstances; of seeing external suffering and choosing to do something about it against the backdrop of one’s own inner turmoil.

6. This pleasure list.

7. “Maggie Smith’s face has something to teach us;” it’s the soul-piercing eyes for me.

Ever lovingly,

A

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